70 Candles to Burn

I am late in posting this, but it took me a while to realize I wanted to.

In October, my Dad would have had his 70th birthday. It seems so cruel now to think about that. Seventy is not so old. Sixty-four, the age he was when he died, is even younger. How could my Dad have been only one year away from retirement. He worked his whole life at various jobs over the years to get to retirement age and "enjoy" life in a new light. Enjoy life with my Mum. Enjoy all the things they wanted to do after they'd both retired. And then the dream was cut short.

I remember when he first got sick. I remember where I was at the exact moment that I took the phone call. It's like all the other great tragedies in life, you remember every minute detail about everything surrounding the news. He'd had a cough and a bit of a sore throat. He had gone to the Dr and they had given some diagnosis that wasn't actually what the problem turned out to be. As the problem persisted, he had further testing done until they figured out that he had cancer. In his esophagus.

I was living in Vancouver at the time, working as a Flight Attendant. I was on my way to the hospital to visit my Aunt who'd just undergone major surgery. My cell phone rang and I think it was my Mum who gave me the news. I can't be sure of that, because it's one of those things where time stands still and everything turns into slow motion. I got to the hospital and went up to my Aunt's room and told her the news. I didn't want to cry because I was trying to be really strong for her sake. It was HER brother after all. I sat with her for a while and then left to return to my apartment....silent and thinking and aimlessly wandering. How could this be?

He eventually underwent surgery and radiation. I wanted my Dad to walk me down the aisle at my wedding so we planned and completed an amazing celebration in just 2 weeks. I remember dancing with him for the 2nd dance, the song was Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve, and as we were dancing I looked around the room and saw an endless sea of teary eyed relatives and friends. The song is a long song and my Dad got pretty tired by the end of it, but he never complained about my dancing, which was a first!!

There is so much more....

I just felt compelled to celebrate his birthday this year and the comments from my kids are what made me want to tell this birthday story. I pulled out a cake mix and had it on the counter when Calli came home from school. I had already told Marin that we were going to make a cake for Gido's birthday, so she was aware what was going on. When Calli saw the mix, she asked who it was for. I told her and she sort of half laughed/snickered and said "Ok." Marin then piped up, saying, "It's for Gido. He's coming back from the stars!!" Calli looked at me and laughed and tried to explain to Marin how that would be impossible. My heart melted while imagining the possibility of that.

So we made the cake and iced it and the girls helped sprinkle the sprinkles on it. We lit candles, put his pictures on the table and sang Happy Birthday to my Dad. I told the girls how much he would have loved them and played with them and read to them and I cried and cried.



Later we called my Mum and told her what we were up to and Calli said, "We sang Happy Birthday and Mummy cried the whole time!!"

I want them to know how much my Dad meant to me and understand that it is ok to cry when you miss someone. Even when you are a grown up! I started a book a long time ago, just after he died and Calli was born, of all the things I'd wished I could tell him. Some days I go to pick up the phone to call him and realize I can't, so I write my thoughts in this book instead. That way, the girls will understand (hopefully) the relationship that my Dad and I had. I hope they have the same wonderful relationship with their Dad that I did with mine.

Happy Birthday Daddy! I love you with all my heart. xo